ButtLocker recovery

Enter the recovery key to unlock this butt

Your cheeks were encrypted to keep them safe. Unfortunately, they are now extremely safe.

Launched on Stonks Exchange and paired with tokenized MSFT on Base. Holder rewards are paid in MSFT, no restart required.

48-digit recovery key

Press Esc for more recovery options. There are no more recovery options.

Can't find your key?

On the sticky note that used to be on your monitor
In an email you archived in a panic
With your IT guy, who left the company in 2021

Recovery key ID: B077-L0CK-3R00-6942

Group policy for your posterior

$BUTT is a meme token that treats every wallet like a locked drive. Here is the configuration, as set by a sysadmin who has seen things.

Policy	State	What it means
Require additional authentication at startup	Enabled	You'll be asked to prove you're you. Then asked again, slightly louder.
Encryption method	AES-256-CHEEK	Two cheeks, 256 bits, zero gaps.
Quote asset	Tokenized MSFT	$BUTT is priced in tokenized Microsoft shares on Base, not ETH. Minimum system requirements: one butt.
Holder rewards	Enabled	Trading fees get sent back to holders as tokenized MSFT.
Withdraw liquidity	Locked forever	The pool position sits in a locker contract with no withdraw function. Nobody has that key, including us.
Mint new tokens	Disabled	Fixed supply. No mint, no pause, no blacklist, no owner.
Store recovery key in the cloud	Disabled	Your key lives in your back pocket, where it belongs.
Allow sitting while locked	Not configured	Sit at your own risk.

Tokenomics, as seen in disk management

1,000,000,000 $BUTT, every single one of them in one Uniswap V3 pool against tokenized MSFT. No team wallet, no marketing wallet, no presale. We checked every partition.

Disk 0: supply

Disk 0Basic
1B $BUTT
Online

C: Liquidity pool100%, 1,000,000,000 $BUTT$BUTT / tokenized MSFT on Uniswap V3 (Base). Encrypted, locked forever, healthy.

C: Liquidity pool, 100%1,000,000,000 $BUTTThe pool opened holding only $BUTT. Buyers bring the MSFT side, and the price climbs as they buy.
Unallocated, 0%0 $BUTTWhere a team allocation would go. It is empty, like our recovery key drawer.

Disk 1: every trade

Each buy or sell pays a 1% swap fee, split two ways.

Disk 1Dynamic
1% fee
Online

D: Holder rewards0.7%Paid out in tokenized MSFT

E: Platform0.3%Stonks Exchange

D: Holder rewards, 0.7%of every tradeThe creator's share of the fee, routed to $BUTT holders as tokenized MSFT. More volume, more rewards. No volume, no rewards.
E: Platform, 0.3%of every tradeGoes to Stonks Exchange, which mostly spends it buying and burning $STONKEX.

Roadmap

Encrypting used space only. Please don't turn off your wallet.

Encrypting roadmap: 0%Time remaining: calculating

Phase 1
Encrypt
Done
Launched $BUTT on Stonks Exchange against tokenized MSFT. The liquidity locked itself.
Phase 2
Forget the key
In progress
Holder rewards landing in MSFT. Memes, community, one very large sticker order.
Phase 3
Panic
Queued
Trackers, listings, and checking the MSFT chart and the $BUTT chart at 3am.
Phase 4
Recovery
Queued
Unlock the moon. Or at least get a nice view of it.

Buy $BUTT

Live price

–

Market cap: –
Liquidity: –
24h volume: –
Pair: $BUTT / MSFT

Loading price

Contract address (Base)

Find $BUTT on Stonks Exchange

Open Stonks Exchange View on Basescan

Only trust the address posted here. Anyone sliding into your DMs with a different one is not us.

Questions, answered

Does ButtLocker have a backdoor?

Absolutely not. The backdoor was the first thing we encrypted. Security researchers keep asking to inspect it, and the answer is still no.

What is rear-end encryption?

It's like end-to-end encryption, except we only protect the one end that really matters.

Does it work alongside Windows Defender?

Perfectly. Defender guards the front, ButtLocker guards the rear. Together you get full coverage.

Is Secure Booty on by default?

Yes. Unsigned cheeks won't load at startup, and anything suspicious is quarantined before it can sit down.

Can I unlock it with Windows Hello?

Windows Hello only recognizes faces. Please stop pointing the webcam where it doesn't belong.

Can IT access my butt remotely?

Remote Desktop requests to your posterior are denied by policy. IT can open a ticket like everyone else.

Does the firewall block everything?

All inbound traffic is blocked. Outbound traffic is still allowed, which explains what happened on that Teams call.

Why did my butt restart without warning?

It's Patch Tuesday. Updates always install at the worst possible moment. Save your work and clench.

What happens if I press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

Task Manager opens and lists butt.exe as not responding. Ending the task is not recommended.

Why is my butt locked?

For your protection.